Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

Starring: Alan Ormsby, Valerie Mamches, Jeff Gillen, Anya Ormsby, Seth Sklarey.

Directed by: Bob Clark

review by Sheeky & Damon

At the beginning, Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things came off as about the same calibur as Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator. Both had titles that were too long, and the film quality itself was very ameaturish. Thats not even mentioning the discount 'actors' that were involved. And in a film coming from the same director as our beloved Christmas Story, this was a little surprising.

The plot of the movie involves a group of guys who want to play a prank on some friends. The ground heads out to a graveyard, puts on a big show of summoning the dead, and a couple guys wearing masks jump out of coffins that they had been hiding in for three days underground. The twist is they end up raising the dead...for real.

In no time at all this film went from the usual poor quality bore to giving us a sickening feeling in the pit of our stomachs. There were two main factors that contributed to this. Probably the biggest was the hippy chick. She starts freaking out like she has never dug up a dead person before.

Considering none of the cast could even spell 'acting,' we are not so sure this girl was actually acting. I think they just managed to find a girl off the street who had wild, possessed eyes, and could screech like she was giving birth to the devil himself.

The second factor was Orville. He was the dead guy that they dug up, and decided to take with them. It was one thing to dig him up, and we even could handle them taking him into their cabin, but when the only guy who had graduated from jr.high decided to marry the corpse, holding it close, feeling its face, and laying in bed with it, a line was crossed. FAR crossed.

The entire film was unsettling, and left no closure for anything except one fact. Zombies ate everyone. The entire cast died horrible deaths as living meals for the undead. The last thing we see is the zombies crawling into a boat and heading towards the big city. Which, actually, is a better end than if the rag-tag team of freaks had somehow survived.

Take it from the experts, if you are into B-movies, fine, but do not watch this film. If, however, you are into films that will keep you ticked off for no reason for a good three days, its right up your alley.

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